Reqieumthefallen

It's been long enough since Offshoots got its pilot that it's about time for another story pilot. Hope you guys like it.
I heard a smashing noise above and a spark of electricity, and I knew it was wake-up time. The trolls upstairs went through more alarm clocks than some people go through in their lifetime, but at least it meant I never had to buy one. The Hartstompers were a fine substitute.

I could hear the growling and cussing upstairs as Mr. Dimn-Hartstomper rose to get dressed for work. Once the dust stopped falling off the ceiling, I threw off my covers and got up. I could feel the little bits of plaster gather on the souls of my feet as I headed to the bathroom.

You look like shit the voice in my head said as I looked at myself in the mirror. I rubbed my eyes a little, and wiped the little gunk from the corners of my eyes.

Nevermind, now you look like hell the voice in my head said.

I just sighed and went to the shower. I turned the knob, and the faucet head just gurgled in my face. I smacked it once but nothing came out. I then pulled the one tile away to find the plumber sleeping.

I poked the fairie, knocking him out of his slumber and his chair. He jumped up with a start and glared at me with his beady little eyes. After a huff, he got up and pulled the compartment door shut again.

The water then started, hot steaming water blaring me in the face. I smacked the panel and he turned it down to what I actually had it at. I let it run down, cooling off the irritated skin. As the water woke me, I started wishing I was still sleeping. I didn't want to have to explain to everyone, and then explain it to them again once I actually had their attention.

Life's not something you can stop the voice in my head said.

I poured the shampoo and held my hair back so it wouldn't get in my eyes. It smelled like some sort of fabric softener, but it was gentle on your hair.

After I rinsed it out, I just let the water run over me again; just roll like a waterfall. It was the closest thing to a real spring in this city. My grandmother had always insisted that my mother should have taken us back to the forests, that I was going to grow up stunted to nature and I'd be as dumb as half-wit gnome.

I grew up fine, but as I look at myself again in the mirror, I wonder if I really am any smarter than a half-wit gnome. I couldn't go and take back what I had said, but I wondered if I would if I could.

Mother wasn't going to be happy, she'd been waiting decades for this and now I had just fucked it up. Seventy years since a proposal came my way, and I said no.

I opened the curtain as I started getting dressed. The skyline glowed outside, the aged towers of concrete and steel standing defiantly against the sun. As I put the tie on, I could see the dawn's rays dissipate. I just had to remember that I'd see them come back again tomorrow.

I looked in my fridge quick and grabbed a sandwich I had been saving. I made sure it was wrapped in the plastic tight, and then I put it under my shoulder.

I got my purse over the other shoulder and got out the door. I locked the door, then checked it twice. As I got out, I could hear Mrs. Hartstomper coming down the stairs. I plodded to the elevator, and made it just before she came within speaking distance. I didn't need to be stuck listening today to a troll talk about her week.

I noticed the imp standing next to me, a stupid ballcap on his head with two holes for his horns. He snorted ash once, but besides that kept pretty silent. When we reached the ground floor, he gestured for me to go. I turned as I exited, a little confused.

“I've got bigger fish to fry than you,” he said, bearing his teeth in some kind of a grin as the he pressed all the buttons on the elevator. The doors shut before I could reply, so I just kept walking.

As I walked out into the street, I could see a Fed-Ex dragon arguing with a postal hipogriff on a rooftop overhead. The ground traffic wasn't much better, with a school of fairies weaving through the cars as their teacher pursued them with as big a net as an elder fairie could carry.

I joined the crowd waiting at the crosswalk of Franklin and Tolkein. I tapped the sater near me on the shoulder, recognizing his Red Pox jacket.

“Rod, I thought you were calling in sick at your repair shop?” I asked him.

“Geez, Presilda! Don't talk too loud... I'm takin' a little R n' R. Gonna take my boy Pete to the game today,” Rod said, pulling his hood a little bit more.

“I wish I could say the same. They're probably going to have me working overtime at the office today,” I said, pulling my purse back up as it began to slide.

“That's what you get for doing white-collar work. I told ya that ya shoulda just started work down at the auto shop with me,” Rod said.

“So I could do all the work? Yeah, dream on,” I said as the light changed.

“Worth a shot!” Rod replied, chuckling as we passed to the other side.

“Have fun,” I said, and he waved as he headed off.

I spent the rest of the walk in silence, trying my best to keep out of people's way. I hated the feeling that I was being watched, like they knew what I had done.

That's the thing about guilt, it doesn't let you get away easily. It stabs you in the back, then slowly pulls the knife down as you bleed. It's a cruel, cruel mistress, and I had had enough of it.

When I reached SIM-Plex's main office, I almost stopped and turned around. I really didn't feel like making other people feel better today, but the PR work was one of the highest paying jobs in our branch. And I need the money if I was going to keep paying my rent...

I nodded to the golem at the door, and he nodded as he opened it with his giant fist. When I reached the elevator, I was disappointed to see “Out of order” written on a banner in front of it.

I headed over to the greeter's desk, and looked down at Gretta.

“Yes Mr. Trufflehunter, I am aware you are quite busy. I will transfer you right away to our help desk,” she said, a bit of dwarven spite in her voice as she put him on hold. “What's the problem dear?”

“How long has the elevator been out?” I asked.

“Err... the weight load capacity was exceeded over the weekend. Also, Mrs. Dimsdale is now on medical vacation until she loses all the excess weight. She'll be as thin as... well as thin as an ogre can get while on slim-fast diet,” Gretta said.

“Alright. Thank you,” I said I as looked at the spiraling staircase.

The height was imposing, but I began slowly but steadily walking. The key thing was just to not look down. As a result though, looking down was something I had to fight very strongly to not do. By the time I reached the fifth floor, I was starting to feel funny in my stomach from failing to keep from looking down.

I walked in to find all the humans had apparently gone on break. If there was one thing about humans I had grown tired of, it was their constant need for breaks – you'd think they were school children.

“Ms. Cassidy,” Gwenivere said, handing me my coffee.

I had stopped jumping out of my skin when my assistant would appear out of nowhere. She tried to be as obvious as she good, but that's what you get for picking a drow.

“Thank you, Gwen. If the humans don't get back to work in the next ten minutes, make them,” I said, reaching my office.

“Yes ma'am,” Gwen said. After two minutes I realized she was still standing there.

“Gwen?” I asked as I waited for the computer to turn on.

“Sorry, but your mother has called your personal messenger twelve times. I was trying to figure out the best way to tell you-” Gwen began. That's the other problem with drow – nothing's really personal with them. They'll just as soon tell you about their prostate as they will say good morning. The leading theory was there was a split in the development between elves and drow with that part of the brain, but I think it was just the spite of God on our insistence of thinking we had personal space.

“Thank you, Gwen. You can go back to your desk now,” I said, cutting her off.

She nodded then shut the door, making less than a whisper.

As I typed in my password, I could already imagine the e-mails flooding in. Headquarters had made it clear to all branches, we needed to listen to our customers or we weren't going to have jobs anymore. Now if only our customers weren't the most pointlessly dumb people to have ever learned how to use e-mail.

The first one, Struwb3rry35:

hey, I want sumin' forr free! My madcap 350 won't start!

P.s. _automated censor_ now I forget itt...

The real kisser was that this was more coherent than most. Others were almost entirely streams of randomly pressed buttons. The wonders of the modern age.

About fifty clicks of deleting later, and I came upon something promising.

Forious5:

Dear SIM-Plex,

I am writing you today to report that my Madcap 640 appears to be glitching. The screen seems to lose one-fourth of the image at random points. Is this common? I have an image below of the glitch as it happens.

And that's when the promising effect was lost. The image partially on the screen in the image was... disgusting to say the least. I hastily scrolled back up and hit the report button. Someone else could handle that fucking bastard's illegal behavior.

Madcap 640s had been hacked to allow for content outside of our permitted limits, but there was a new firmware update on the way. I really hoped those techies would get it over with. I had enough crap coming through here as it was from our own products being misused, I didn't need people adding their own illicit bullshit into the matter.

I took a drink of coffee, then spit it out when I discovered it had gone cold. I tossed it into the trash, but first made sure Gwen wasn't looking. Granted she was quiet enough she could have been hanging on the ceiling from her ankles while waving her hands, and I wouldn't notice. That girl was dangerous on April Fools...

“Ma'am, your meeting is in five minutes,” she said, changing the bag I the trashcan.

“Wha-oh, yes. Thank you,” I said, heading to the restroom real quick.

I stopped at a mirror and took a good look.

You still look worse than hell, that voice in my head said.

I took out my compact and did what I could. We were supposed to be trying to get a competitor's developer to join us, or at least finally convince them the benefits of going multi-platform. God knew we needed to take down the SENSEI 500's holding on the market.

Sighing, I decided to go with the old standby, as much as I hated it. I unbuttoned two buttons on my blouse.

That's all you've got for corporate assets?, the voice said, and I just sighed and but one of the buttons back on so I could at least have some dignity.

I put my compact away and headed to the boardroom. All the while I kept waiting for someone to just shoot me and get it over with.

The door was already open and my boss Peterson was already there sweet talking them. He had something on Power Point in the background.

Our targets were a pair of dwarves, a nicely dressed orc, and a drow. The dwarves were clearly Nordic, the orc was busy eyeing the profit margins with an intent eye, and the drow looked like she was half-asleep.

“A good, Presilda. You've got the the reports from Henders?” Peterson asked. I nodded as I handed them to him.

I took a seat, and inwardly sighed to myself. I couldn't take this, I was damn well getting a migraine. As I checked my pocket for an Asprin, I felt a tap on the shoulder.

“Here, looks like you could really use this,” the drow said, her yellow eyes hinting sympathy as I took the Asprin in her hand.

“Thanks,” I whispered.

I then realized everyone was looking at me.

“Peterson, what's with you working this girl so hard? She looks beat!” the one dwarf said.

“Aye! She's tired as an old horse – you make all your employees work this hard?” the other dwarf said.

“I-no. No,” Peterson said, gesturing for me to come with him. “We'll be back just a moment.”

As he shut the door behind us, he didn't give me a chance to speak. “Okay, look. We -need- these guys. So just-just go home, okay? You look like hell anyway, you should have said I would have let you stay home today. Go on, take the day off.”

He practically shoved me out the door, but made it look as polite as possible.

I had no idea what the hell was going on, but I wasn't going to start complaining. I could feel the Asprin starting to work.

As I saw the elevator closing up ahead, an arm suddenly stuck out to stop it.

“Thanks,” I said to the dwarf who had kept it open.

“Got the feeling there was a reason to,” he said, and with a nod moved to the button panel. He paused, perplexed.

“What is it?” I asked.

“I can't seem to remember what floor I was headed to. Where are ye headed? Ground?” he said, rubbing his forehead.

“Yeah,” I said.

He kept wondering to himself as I left the elevator when we reached the ground floor.

As I stepped outside, two cabs pulled up on instant. I took the first one, which was in better care than the latter.

The cabbie claimed he'd give me a freebie if my destination was on his route to his apartment, and apparently it was. He put on a nice song and off we went.

As the cars, livestock, and dragons passed by I began to wonder if I had actually fallen asleep during the meeting and all of this was a dream.

You aren't that good a dreamer, trust me, the voice in my head said – but somehow it seemed to come out of nowhere.

I shook off the thought and realized we were at my apartment building. I got out and thanked the cabbie for the free ride. Yet as he began to ride away, his face began to turn into a face of confusion.

I headed up to my apartment, minding the broken step on the stairway up. My steps seemed light as a feather, and I was beginning to feel light-headed. I fumbled with the keys to open my door, and as I got inside I heard a crashing noise from outside the building.

I quickly got behind the door and locked it, paranoia beginning to ensue. Okay, now it'd only be a dream if-

That thought died the moment I saw a glowing, overweight old woman hovering before me. I immediately pinched myself.

Hello Presilda. I'm your- the voice in my head began as I quickly ran past the old woman.

Oh botheration! Stand at attention the voice said, and I involuntarily froze. Good, now, we need to have a chat.

She floated over to look me in the eye.

I see you like my handy-work. It's nice when people notice you, isn't it? I think it is. We fairie godmothers don't much attention these days. I can make it happen every day.

“What-there's no such-” I sputtered.

Now now now! Manners! Don't say it isn't real if it's standing right in front of you. And it has a name! You can call me Marleen!

“Wait... you made them-”

Yes dear, it's rather simple. The drow was really asleep you know. Usually they are quite a bothersome bunch, but when they're out like a light – oh its sooo much easier!

“I-thank you?”

...And 'I' welcome. Do all elves become this dishelved just at the sight of a fairy godmother? Really? Oh you're not a believer. “Sure, there's fairies, but none of them have any magic. They just have got wings. Because it makes perfect sense for something to be incredibly small and have wings yet no magic!”

I could sense resentment.

You sense right.

Crap, was she inside my head?

Have been for years love. Gotta say, not very uplifting experience. There is the matter of my needing a little compensation though... not much though.

“Compensation?” I exclaimed. Since when did-

Times have changed dear. I don't want money. I don't want a house in the Hamptons. I don't want a car.

“What do you want then?” I asked, what could I have that she'd want?

I want love. I want fun. I want to get out. I want to have one of those, what do you call it... a 'Bloody Mary'? I knew the original bloody Mary you know. She was quite the bitch so I bet the drink is great. Ooh, best watch my language. So many bad terms you read in those things. You should make me a list for me.

“And how am I supposed to help you do that?” I asked.

Oh simple. It's a little trick that trades things around. You get to be hanging around in the head while it's me walking 'round. It'll be my body, but your youth. Just every now and then, on the weekends, I'm not hard to please.

I felt the urge to say no but what could I really do? She could make my life a living hell if I didn't.

“Okay, deal,” I said.

I had no idea what I was getting into...

As always, feedback is welcome, especially on the quality and writing of pilot episodes for stories.