I like to kick ass and chew bubble gum.
Well Earthlings, I will be hunting for a job once again. I got fed up with my current job, the amount you Earthlings look down on your service people is saddening really. If this were my planet and you got rude with your server in a restaraunt your food was usually poisoned. Nothing deadly, but an effective message not to be an asshole.
And your attendants for taking applications...they are strange and they never seem to follow any set protocol. At one place they just roll their eyes and say they'll give it to their boss. At another, they ask some basic questions and shove you out the door. At another they seem happy to see you, ask all about your availability and let you know that they'll get it in the office and then not shove you out the door, but allow you the freedom to shop? Is there no application taker course on Earth? Where I came from it was a standard in our cirriculum.
This one place I applied to, it was a fancy place, wanted a person to manage an online store, office right in town, right across the street from the post office, heck I wouldn't need to drive to mail I'd just need a dolley, I can actually do this!? So I type upe a really professional cover letter to go with my resume and e-mail it off. Get a response just to say that they got my application and the salutation was "have an awesome day!" a great salutation but after typing up this really professional letter it made me burst out laughing.
Anyways Earthlings I think it's time to go hibernate before my last few shifts. Wish me luck in finding a job.
Earthlings! I've had this game for a bit now and must tell you all about it!
In Serious Sam Kamikaze Attack you are a headless kamikaze pitted against Serious Sam himself!
The gameplay mechanics are very simple, you can jump, and you can kick and scream (put like that it sounds more like Serious Sam: Hissy Fit). You have a rage meter, when you kick, the meter fills up and when you're not kicking it slowly empties. The reason for kicking? There are various obstacles in your path: rockets, bombs, cactuses (or logs in thejungle levels), grenades and even frogs. Aside from the frogs, anything you don't kick or jump over will kill you and take away one of your lives.
This game plays very much like an arcade game, there are 40 levels, but each level is mostly just a slightly longer, slightly harder versionof the last level. Each level you have a secondary goal, punt X frogs, Kick X bombs or rockets, destroy X cacti or logs. Every 5 levels it's a little bit different, you have to kick explosives back at Sam so many times, then you get to blow him up to finish the level.
Each obsticle you kick you get points for, there is a points multiplier which increases the amount of points you get, the multiplier gets reduced back down to 1x if you die. There are various pickups in the game, a multiplier increaser, extra life, rage cooldown, and a turtle to slow things down a bit (because it can get pretty fast paced and hectic in later levels.
The bonuses unlocked through gameplay are slim but there are some in the game. Some levels when you beat them you unlock either an extra Kamikaze (life), faster rage cooldown, more rage before you explode,
etc. You can also put heads on your "headless" kamikaze, giving you bonuses but I don't really see the point considering he *is* a HEADLESS kamikaze afterall.
I personally enjoyed this game during times when I was depressed, bored out of my mind not knowing what to do, or just wanted something torelax and not have to think about in any way shape or form. It's only 2 bucks and available here on Desura.
Hello once again Earthlings! Today, for the sake of simplicity (and poverty) I bring you my opinion on your simple indie game, Jumping Line. As always viewable on the Desura group Bundeals!
So the original reason I bought Jumping Line was because it was only a dollar on Desura!
Jumping Line is one of the most basic platformers I've played, controlled completely by moving the mouse left to right. Moving the mouse to the left makes the line go left and moving the mouse right makes the line go right. Despite these simple controls this game is fun and can be challenging at times.
I'd classify this game as a casual game, whenever you get to a checkpoint it saves, so you can exit at pretty much any time, and unlike some platformers it doesn't feel intense in the slightest.
Mostly what makes this game different is the simple controls and the level design, it seems to be one really really long level with various different mechanics involved. It starts off very simple, make it across the gaps, after that they start throwing stuff at you, standard platforms moving back and forth at first, rotating blocks you have to jump across, changing it so you are jumping off the ceiling instead of the floor, some parts you have to gather a set amount of (I can't remember exactly what it is...) stars (I think) to carry on. Though for gathering the stars there is no real death penalty, if you die, you restart at your last checkpoint, everything you gathered is still counted as gathered, so it's a very casual game.
Simple, casual, only a buck, what's not to love about Jumping Line?
Greetings earthlings, I am here to tell you about another game I have recommended over on the mighty group Bundeals, Lords of the Realm 2.
This game was from way back when they included DOS and windows versions together on a CD Rom. If you do want to get this game (there is a Lords of the Realm Royal Edition on gog.com which includes the original, the second and the expansion for the second, siege pack for 5.99) I would suggest a digital copy, there is a test to see if your computer can run it, if your computer is too good (anything windows XP or better is probably too good) an error message will pop up saying something like "Interger divide by zero" and it will NOT let you install the game again, there is a work around, but the problem I had then was it would not read the CD to play the game. I've had to play the DOS version on my old 98 PC because of this and it's kind of annoying.
That said, this game is a basic medieval strategy game, the king is dead and you are pitted against between 1 and 4 other lords (the knight, baron, bishop and countess) to fight for the Kingdom. You need to balance military conquest with maintaining your population (hapiness, food supply, etc.).
I would say that in some ways I can compare this game to Civilization, but only in the way that it is a strategy game that is simple enough to pull you in but complex enough to keep you there for days and days on end, and whether you win or lose, you had fun. Sometimes if you lose over and over again you go away sore.
I cannot stress about how important it is to maintain a balance in this game, if you have no military but the people are doing great and love you, you'll get floored, unlike Civilization the only way to win is through military conquest. On the other hand, if you keep raising armies and taxes to fund them, your people will get pissed off and either revolt, in which case you lose the land, or they will emmigrate to another county (this being said, pissy neighbors can be good for you!)
The game does have a basic diplomacy system, you can send a gift of crowns (money), send a compiment, send an insult, offer an alliance, and (if you are in an alliance) ask your ally to help you. You do need to maintain relations with your ally, however, personally I never feel like giving them money just to keep allied and my alliances always fall apart, that can be good in a way too because it keeps one lord off your back for a bit.
Combat in this game I've never really been a huge fan of, it's your basic combat, your units on the field VS. enemies units, one single troop can represent multiple units though, and each time one unit dies, that troops..."HP bar" goes down by 1, thus making large scale battles into small scale ones that old computers could handle. The game does give you an option to autocalc battles, usually your side does worse though than if you actually fight out the battle.
The siege pack expansion essentially adds skirmish battles, you can either do a regular skirmish, a siege attack or a siege defense (it also includes a basic map editor) with options as to army size. The major bug in Siege Pack is that it runs on points, since peasants are the lowest point costing unit you can have 900 peasants to your enemies 300 trained troops and win every time (maybe that's what made me dislike the combat?).
Overall this game is an excellent strategy game, I've had freinds complain they could never find the right balance, they always got smashed or their counties always revolted, I've only had this problem on high difficulty games, so maybe I'm just randomly good at this game, who knows.
Well Earthlings, I have nothing interesting to say, your planet is boring me, so I shall start sharing my opinions on your vast amount of video games, all viewable at the Bundeals group on this very program, the great and mighty Desura.
This here is my opinion on VVVVVV:
Don't mistake the title for a zig-zag, this is actually the title of a game.
Everyone has played at least one retro platformer. If you like retro platformers and you don't mind a challenge you'll probably love VVVVVV.
Two things strike me about this game, it is difficult and the world is strangely open, you wander around this open world looking for levels to go through. Your main purpose is to find your missing crew members, and as a secondary goal there are round shiny things that you have to pick up.
Since the game is so bloody difficult, you have an infinite amount of lives, the challenge here is not beating the levels with a given amount of lives, simply getting through the levels is not the challenge, nothing so vast. No, the simple challenge lies in getting from checkpoint to checkpoint.
Other than possibly The Impossible Game on Xbox 360's indie games, I have personally not played a harder retro style platformer, and I don't think I'd be able to stick to one, I am honestly proud to say I beat the main world on VVVVVV but never really touched all the additional side worlds they give you. If you love a challenge this game is for you, if you get mad when you die a lot, then I suggest you either play this game when you're calm or just stay away, either way, a great game and everyone should check it out if they haven't already.