Blogs - eskilo

?? Day
I lsot the days again, I have been taking 3 medicines, depakote, daforin and zyprexa… God, they harm me, i H AVE stopped taking them for  2 days.. Nothing changed, they just stop me for noticing the truth, my breakdwons, they are back, and with them my visions…I wish I could play games like grey or cry of fear without having a breakdown… 
HATE, THATS WHAT I’M FEELING, AND THE URGE TO PLAY SOMETHING RELATED TO IT…

Today is a bonus day, I don't know what day is it.. I'm confused, I don't know... My feelings are hurting me, I feel anxious... I feel bad, i DDON'T have much to wirte. I'm in love but at the same time I hate myself.. i FEEL i HAVE TO CUT MEYSELF. He's watching, i know it.  My stomach hurts, so much... IT HURTS.. I want someone to take care of me, I want her..

I HAVE LOST THE DAYS IW AS COUTNING. i FEEL PARANOIC, feel bad, feel cut myself, I want a kitty cat… I want… I feel dead… wi feel in my own world… I don’t know what to say. My mind is so full of htings… passing really fast, mye eyes… they blink so much..

I don't even know if people are reading this shti, It's my personal stuff, I'm not making shit up.. I have serious mental problems, I wish it was a game, where I could save anytime, redo my problems, but real life is worse, is living with 1 continue, in a sandbox world, where everything you do change the world... I don't know how to change the world, except for studying algorithyms and trying to be a modder... I hope the best for everyone, but for me.. I don't have anymore hopes, just living... TRYING TO LIVE. That's my torture, my limbo.
Things aren't the same, things change... things goes, comes, goes and comes again... All the shit you tried to relieve in the past is coming back to haunt you. To kill you inside, to burn your intestines...
EVERYTHING COMES BACK
Don't say you're the only one, 7 billion of possibilities... You will have someone to share shit..
I don't give a fuck if you believe me or not, The truth is only one with me...

37th day
Worst nightmare again, tortured, I felt like I was on hellraiser… I saw hell… How everybody dies, goes there, there’s no heaven, only hell.. Only torture. I saw my heros being tortured and dying there, I saw the end of the days somehow.. I don’t feel good..